


The Dumbest Alliance Alive

by barcodechan



Category: Minecraft - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Fighting, Found Family, Magic, Minecraft AU??, Please don’t cross post this work!!, fantasy au??, look I just wanted to make something fun, rpg type fighting, tags will be updated as I go, tags will be updated as work continues, they’re a team because why kot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:33:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,262
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25425457
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/barcodechan/pseuds/barcodechan
Summary: TommyInnit was a knight who had just finished his training, he would change the world.WilburSoot was a bard who was admired throughout the town, well, he used to be.Technoblade was the king of a kingdom. Now he wanders around towns..Who knew they’d make such a good team?
Relationships: I’ll teach your ass ASL cause all you will see is HANDS, No Relationships, if you ship irl people you can catch these hands
Comments: 17
Kudos: 199





	1. Solider, Poet & The King

“If you wish to defeat me, you must train for another hundred years.” The dull tone of a fallen king rang in TommyInnit’s ears as he sighed in annoyance. 

“You don’t get it! I’m not here to fight! I want you on my team, my squad, if you will.” Tommy grinned from ear to ear, puffing up his chest to appear more ‘buff’ and ‘superior’, as he often proclaimed himself to be.

The bars lighting was definitely working in Technoblade’s favour, giving him more of an intimidating appearance to go on top of his already intimidating appearance, which was bullshit luck, in Tommy’s eyes. 

It didn’t matter though, he’d convince The Blade and then his team would finally be complete!

“I will not.” Technoblade sighed in annoyance, as he kept his eyes trained onto the small child that somehow had found him, before his eyes slowly drifted to the bard standing at his side. “Anyways, what is he doing here?”

“Do you not know, Technoblade? This is my good pal, my chum, my second in command, it is THE WilburSoot—“ Tommy began on his ramble, which Wilbur quickly to a stop to with a simple hand wave.

“I ask because I don’t know how you got any allies with a personality like that.” Technoblade was cold as he slumped an arm against the bar’s table, he truly thought this would be the end of the conversation.

“He’s not going to leave you alone if you don’t at least humour him.” Wilbur warned as Tommy let out a series of spluttered offended noises. 

“You— I—“ Tommy glared at Wilbur. “I am the team leader, you can’t talk to me like that! You dare talk to—“

“He doesn’t shut up, does he?” Technoblade wished that for once the bar would get louder, as if he could block out the duo that easily. 

“Nah.” Wilbur laughed, a snarky grin growing across his face. “But it would be useful to have someone as equipped with a sword as you.”

Technoblade scoffed. “Now you use flattery on me? You truly believe that flattery alone would persuade me?”

The duo went silent as Wilbur glanced at Tommy. “I’d also be inviting you to spend all your time tormenting Tommy, if that’s a bonus.”

“What?!” Tommy shrieked, gaining a few glances as he quickly glanced back, as Wilbur and Techno exchanged a look. 

“You truly think I’d join your ragtag team just to bully some child?” Techno shifted in his seat. 

Tommy frowned. “I’m not some kid. I’m just half your age, old man.” Tommy mumbled as Technoblade continued to stare down the duo.

Silence permeated the air as Techno swung his sword behind his back. “I’m in.” Technoblade calmly swung out of his seat, as Wilbur grinned and Tommy lost it.

“What?! We’re going to have THE Technoblade?! Wait, is this so you can bully me or is this because you sensed how much of an alpha male I am and—“ 

Technoblade let out a humoured hum, his eyes scanning the room once again before eventually landing on the rambling child. “So, there’s only one demand I make if you want to have me on your side.”

“Any— Uh, ask away.” Tommy attempted to remain calm, though anyone with half a brain cell could see the excitement radiating off the kid. 

“I am the king. I want to lead.” Technoblade commanded, as Wilbur laughed. 

“Good luck trying to convince Tommy to acce—“ Wilbur ran his hand through his hair, letting out a breathless laugh. 

“Yes. Sure.” Tommy’s immediate reply shocked both of them, he seemed pretty self assured that he was the leader. 

Tommy just honestly couldn’t believe it. He had his own team again, and he’d make sure that everything went to plan. Everything would be okay! 

“Lets get out of here. I don’t think that Tommy is old enough to be in a bar anyway.” Wilbur laughed, as Tommy began to grow red with rage. 

“I’ll have you know that I am sixteen, and—“ Tommy sighed, realising that he had no way of winning this battle. “You two suck.”

“Now.. kid. That’s no way to talk to your leader.” Technoblade smirked as he messed his coat, standing up as Wilbur and Tommy headed to the door. 

Technoblade followed after them, his eyes once again scanning the room. He usually wasn’t this interested in rooms, however, a pair of beady eyes had been following the trio since they arrived. 

Techno decided to hurry their pace. “We should head to the main hall, they should have some tasks there from other people, we can complete some of those.” 

Tommy groaned. “Where’s the glory in that?” His question resulted in both of the older men glaring him down, and Tommy shut up. 

They headed to the main hall, which was quite the walk, so they decided to finally formally introduce themselves, with little prompting from Techno. 

“So.. who are my new teammates?” Techno attempted to humor the duo, as Tommy rapidly coughed to gain their attention. 

“I am THE TommyInnit, hold your applause— I JUST left my knight training, and I’m ready to make my mark on the world, and prove myself as the mightiest warrior who ever lived!” Tommy grabbed a hidden sword from his holster, eagerly swinging it up just so he’d look cool. 

The men stared at the sword in silence, judgment running wild in Technoblade’s eyes. 

“Why is it so short?” Wilbur asked Technoblade just a little bit too loudly, causing Tommy to huff as he hugged the sword. 

“As a matter of fact, I broke it battling a great beast.” Tommy quickly moved the sword back into his holster as Technoblade shook his head, already regretting this idea. 

“Anyways.. I’m WilburSoot, as you both know. You may have heard of me through my musical endeavours.” Wilbur waves a hand, slightly embarrassed, not because he didn’t want to brag, but because..

“Ah. You’re the one who accidentally turned a village to chaos because you played a love song..?” Techno questioned, as Wilbur grimaced, which meant that, yeah, he definitely did. 

“I’d rather not mention it.” Wilbur laughed awkwardly as they finally made it to the wide town hall, which was currently bustling with all types of people. 

“We should split up. That way we can get thrice times the tasks.” Techno piped up, as Wilbur and Tommy nodded slowly. It probably was for the best, after all, what could go wrong?

As the trio split up, they all wondered if it was right to trust the others by themselves. 

Tommy looked around, as he headed to the wall of tasks, scanning them all for something kick ass; a brilliant start for the worlds most brilliant knight, and his squad. 

Tommy smugly ran his fingers through his hair, smirking to himself as he stared at the board. These tasks seemed pretty decent, Tommy was certain he could make this work..!

“Hey kid.” A gruff voice called out, causing Tommy to look up at a somewhat familiar face..?He didn’t know this was, maybe he had seen him before? 

“Yeah?” Man, this dude’s breath stank. Tommy’s nose wrinkled as he attempted to feign politeness. “What’s up?” 

“You looking for a task? The lean, stick looking guy moved closer to Tommy, who dropped the facade of politeness. 

“Alright mate, back it up.” He put his hands out to push the guy, irritation beginning to grow on Tommy and the strangers face. 

“I may be looking for a task for Tommy and Friends, but if you get any closer, I won’t hesitate to deck you.” Tommy threatened, much to the strangers annoyance. 

The stranger seemed to have underestimated the Innit, and for that, he’d pa—

“I have a task for you, however, we cannot talk about it here. All I ask is that you go to a certain location.” 

...Wow. This guy really underestimated the Innit and his newfound team. “You really dare underestimate us? What location and what reward?” 

“Do you know the bakery three towns over? It’s famous for its enchanted meat pies.” The man explained, as Tommy shook his head slowly. 

“No? Why would I have the world mapped out? I just got out of my training, Jesus, isn’t that obvious—“ Tommy muttered in annoyance as the man stared down at him. 

“Hm.. Sorry. It’s fine. Just meet at Blakefields Bakery. Ask for a blueberry shortcake. He’ll know what you mean.” 

Tommy shrugged. “What’s in it for me?” He questioned, his eyes narrowing as he stared at the stranger.

“Oh.. Well-“ The stranger was cut off by Wilbur, who was calling out for Tommy. 

Tommy quickly whipped his head around, looking for the sound of the voice. 

“Kid? Kid?” Techno calls out, having raised his voice a single octave for Tommy.

Tommy had only looked away for a second, but when he looked back.. the stranger was gone.

...Huh. Well, that was fucking weird.

Tommy grinned, rushing up to Wilbur. “I’m here!” He declared with a grin, as Wilbur grinned back, rolling his eyes. 

“We should’ve left while he wasn’t around.” Techno spoke calmly as he seemed to just appear behind Wilbur.

“Wh-“ Wilbur whipped his head around, relaxing when he noticed the king. “I swear you were just over there..” He mumbled, before shrugging it off. 

“Anyways.. We got a pretty kickass task.” Wilbur put both of his hands behind his head, grinning. “Apparently there’s a thief in the next town over.. We should check it out.” 

Tommy nodded eagerly. “Fuck yeah! Lets get going!” 

Technoblade sighed. “Do we have a map? Or.. any type of supplies?”

Tommy grinned as he attempted to loop arms with Techno. “Where’s the fun in that? I mean, you’re the group leader, so it’s your responsibility—“

Technoblade calmly swooped his arm away, realising why this team was a bad idea. “Don’t make me quit.”

Tommy’s eyes widen as he moved his hands in front of his body, attempting to just calm Techno down.. even if he was more calm then Tommy. 

“No, no, no! We’re best buds, chums, amigos. Lets just get going! What should we do first, Wilbur?”

“Well.. I guess the best first option would be to get some rest.” Wilbur pointed out, as the trio silently realised how late it had gotten. 

“Ugh.. fine. We can discuss what we can do tomorrow..” Technoblade sighed, irritation clear in his face. “But we aren’t staying here. We might as well hit the road already.”

“What about supplies?” Wilbur questioned. “I don’t think we’re equiped for this yet.”

Techno shakes his head in disappointment. “Tsk, Tsk... You should learn to think on your feet. One day, you might not have shops to help you.”

“Jeez, do you always talk like you’re hundreds of years old?” Tommy questioned , resulting in another deathly glare.

“...We should head out.” Wilbur walked in between the duo, as Tommy gasped.

“Will you play us a song?” Tommy moves up to Wilbur, eyes glistening from excitement. 

“...No.” Wilbur denied, as Tommy sighed, and the trio began to walk. 

And so began the dumbest alliance alive.


	2. It’s Not Filler If It’s Wholesome

Tommy was 100% sure these two was born just to torture him. This walk was worse then any training he was used too, as he groaned loudly. 

“Wow. I’m disappointed. We didn’t even do anything wrong.” Techno had a smug grin that Tommy couldn’t WAIT to get off his face, as he crossed his arms in annoyance. 

“You two suck.” Tommy grumbled as Wilbur used Tommy’s head for a arm rest. 

“Oh, Timothy, Sweet Tom-Tom, Tomster, you sought US out. It’s not our fault you didn’t seem to know us.” Wilbur was clearly enjoying himself, which seemed to triple Tommy’s annoyance. 

“But— I.. I am the man! The alpha male of this group, how dare you speak to me like this!” 

“Who even told you that?” Techno questioned as he looked around, walking off the path they were headed for a lush forest.

“My coach!” Tommy crosses his arms as he followed after Techno, Wilbur soon following after the duo, looking back at the path.

“Sounds like your coach was a liar.” Techno spoke calmly as he looked back, seemingly slightly surprised that the duo had followed him. 

“Techno, weren’t we taking the path..?” Wilbur questioned as he made a motion to the path they’d abandoned. 

Techno paused as he looked at the duo with slight annoyance. “...Why are you nerds following me? Couldn’t you just wait at the path?” Technoblade sighed as he began to rip branches from trees with loud cracks. 

Tommy furrowed his brow. “No! That’s lame as shit! I want to get stuff and do what you’re doing! You aren’t putting ME on path duty, old man.” 

Technoblade side eyed Tommy, wondering if he should drop kick a child... before deciding against it, after all, ignoring the child was the better choice, and with that he decided to devote his brain power for something more useful; like checking his satchel for what he needed. 

Irritation flashed across his face as he stared at the contents, Nope. Only gold. He let out an annoyed huff as he glanced back at Tommy. “Hey. Kid. Why don’t you get some stones or something.” 

“Huh? No way! Apologise to me!” Tommy demanded, stomping his foot and a loud crack quickly followed. This startled Tommy until he realised he stomped on a stick.

Wilbur snickered. “The great alpha male knight is afraid of a stick?” He teased, as Tommy grew red for a mil second, before realisation flashed before his eyes. 

“You called me a great alpha male. No, no.. THE great alpha male.” Tommy spoke excitedly, as Wilbur silently realised the mistake he’d made. 

“Fool.” Techno muttered as Tommy soon resembled a kettle, squealing at a frequency so high that it could shatter glass. 

Wilbur let out a long sigh, rubbing his face in regret. “Why did I say that? Why did I—“ 

Techno was growing irritated of the loud noise, tapping on Tommy’s shoulder. “Tommy. Can you.. Can you please get stones?” 

Tommy let out a smug hum, puffing out his chest and putting his arms onto his sides. “Absolutely! I understand you need a manly man like me too—“

“It’s too late for this.” Wilbur groaned. “I’m so tired.” 

Tommy didn’t take long, as he hurried off, leaving Techno and Wilbur alone, as Techno looked to Wilbur. “Look. I don’t question much, but seriously, why were you teaming with him alone?”

Wilbur’s eyes widen slightly as he waved his hands around, as if Techno’s words could be waved off. “Oh, Nah, that’s not a story we need to learn today.” 

Techno’s eyes gleam with curiosity.. hmm.. He could keep pressuring Wilbur into spilling the beans, but where is the fun in that? 

“Okay.” Technoblade was relatively calm as silently, he began planning. Lord help us all. 

Wilbur began looking around, slowly beginning to collect sticks as well. “Why are you even collecting sticks and stones?”

“Ah.. Well, I guess I should tell you.. Have you heard of the ancient runes? They fortold of a craft, an ability that you’d be able to create things with your mere hands alone?” Techno actually seemed kind of excited, which confused Wilbur, wasn’t it just normal stuff?

“Well.. What if I told you that there was a way to craft.. with only your hands?” Techno’s voice got spooky, as Wilbur laughed nervously.

“Huh..?” Wilbur stared at Techno in disbelief, wondering if he’d gone mad, or if he was just messing with Wilbur for a quick laugh. 

The sound of rocks flying and running soon interrupted the duo as Tommy rushed in, holding enough rocks to cause a landslide. 

“...Ah, thank you Tommy.” Techno calmly took two rocks from Tommy’s arms, and looking through the sticks for the strongest looking one.

“Really? Really? I gather you THIS many stones and you only take two? What kind of monster—“ Tommy groaned, as Techno held out his hand.

“Watch and learn, losers.” Techno chucked the items in his arms up into the air, slowly watching the items fall, and just as they fell right to the area near Techno’s hands, he slammed the items together, bright white blasting from his hands, and as the light slowly faded, Techno was clutching a stone sword. 

Wilbur and Tommy stared at Techno with a slack jaw expression, that.. that was super fucking cool—

“Obviously, I played it up for you nerds, it’d be impractical to use something like that during battle.” Under most circumstances, anyway. 

“I wanna do that! Holy shit!! You gotta show me!” Tommy rushed up, quickly examining the sword with wide eyes. “It’s a whole bitchass sword!! It’s- It’s—“

“It’s impressive. I guess you did.. craft.. with your hands.” Wilbur mumbled in shock, his brain still trying to process what he had just saw.

“Anyways.. it’s probably way past Tommy’s bedtime now, I guess we should get to sleep.” Techno casually shrugs as Wilbur burst into laughter, both of them laughing to different degrees as Tommy slowly turned red with rage.

“Oh fuck both of you! It was so cool before you ruined it!” Tommy whined as he crossed his arms, steam pretty much pouring from his ears.

“Calm down Tommy. It’s not very.. well, you know what Wilbur said, to act like that.” Techno watched as the child calmed down, sighing in relief as he looked to Wilbur.

“Anyways.. where should we sleep for tonight?” Techno questioned, as they continued to walk through the lush forest together, leaves rustling through the cold nights air. 

“There’s probably a cave nearby. It’s not glamorous, but it’s something.” Wilbur shrugged as he glanced at Techno. “Unless you want to go back to the village..?”

Techno thought about it, before silently deciding against it. “No. The cave is a better option.” Techno decided to change direction, seeing hills in the distance. “We should head this way. I think they’ll be caves around there.”

Tommy sighed sadly. “Great. I’m going into a cave with two old men. Mother Innit, look at me now, aren’t you just sooo proud—“ 

Wilbur have Tommy a innocent smile, despite his eyes burning for war. “Well Tommy, if you don’t want to stay inside with two old men, you can sleep outside with the mobs.”

Tommy strained back a laugh, his eyes wide as he looked away, biting as his cheek. “No Wilbur.. the cave is fine, Wilbur..”

Eventually, they made it to the hills, and just in luck, they noticed a cave in the distance. 

“Thank god.” Techno mumbled, it was most likely around one am by now, and he really wanted that rest. 

Tommy had pretty much tuckered himself out, yawning softly as he sleepily followed the duo, mumbling something about child slavery, or how it was positively evil to keep a child up this late.. Who knows.

Techno paused at the mouth of the cave, silently thanking Past Techno for gathering enough sticks for a fire, as he looked around, seeing his fellow teammates slowly before more tired and weak. 

Techno looked around, before putting down nearly every stick into a circle, before grabbing the two last sticks and rubbing them together; quickly creating a fire.

Tommy and Wilbur sigh in relief as the cave was lit up. It was only a small one, so there was no risk of any mobs hiding. 

“Goodnight, my fellow businessmen.” Tommy mumbled as he slowly sat down, before he seemed to realise something. “Ah.. my fellow.. teammates.” He corrected, as he shuffled near the fire. 

“Goodnight, you two.” Wilbur murmured as he laid on the other side of the cave, covering his face with his arm to stop the light from keeping him up.

Techno smiled, looking down at his new teammates. “Hm.. maybe this team wasn’t such a bad idea after all.” He mumbled, as he put down his satchel, resting for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey!! Thank you so so much for all of your support, it warms my heart!! I can’t say how much your comments mean to me ;-;


	3. The Irritability Of Mankind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ALL THE KUDOS AND HITS MY LORD THE HEART ATTACK I HAD,, STAY TO THE END FOR A SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT 🧍,, also yes I did have to cut this short slightly but it’s okay

As day broke and sunlight slowly hit the face of the cave; the once roaring fire finally flickered out, causing the cave to rapidly chill out and wake up Tommy, who immediately felt groggy as he opened his eyes.

Tommy rubbed at his eyes, stretching with a loud yawn as he opened his arms, before his eyes widen, wait, who—

Oh right! THE Technoblade and WilburSoot! He grinned, seeing that they were still asleep. Oh my god. This was his chance. 

His mind flashed through several ideas.. What could he do? He looked around, before silently sneaking over to Techno’s satchel, before deciding against breaking the great blade’s trust; at least, for the moment.

He sighed in annoyance, but what can he do to successfully troll them? His mind flashed back to Technoblade, and his eyes landed on the pouch holding his belongings.. And in that instance, his eyes flashed with glee as he came up with a brilliant plan; quietly grabbing enough gold to create his glorious creation.

“...What are you doing with my gold?” A voice growled from behind Tommy, causing him to scream, quickly whipping his head around to see a tired Technoblade glaring at him.

“It’s not technically a dick, it’s— wait, no I didn’t make a dick, wait, uh, I’m stealing from— nO— uh—“ Tommy scrambled for the right words, quickly stuffing the gold back into the satchel.

A voice quickly popped up from Tommy’s side, temporarily startling him, though he wouldn’t admit it.

“Did he steal from you?” Wilbur asked incredulously, as Tommy gasped in shock. How dare he? He was loyal, he was the bestest and most honest teammate in existence-

“No. I think he was planning on creating some sort of dick with my gold. I don’t think he is dumb enough to steal the gold, especially with all the noise he’s made.” Techno was calm, at least.

Tommy didn’t know if he should take that as a compliment or not, deciding to glare until Techno took it back. 

“Come on, kid. You attempted to steal from me. I’m allowed to be annoyed.” Techno’s monotone tone made it actually pretty hard to tell if he was actually mad.

Wilbur laughed awkwardly, quickly moving closer to the duo, standing between them. “Now we don’t need that, now do we? Why don’t we just all just.. get breakfast?”

“But the next town is like an hour away..” Tommy groaned, regretting not ordering some food from the bar. 

“Well, if we get going now, it’ll be better than nothing, or sitting on our ass and complaining.” Wilbur huffed, watching Tommy contemplate..

“Anyways, as the group leader, we will be going.” Technoblade smiled to himself. 

Tommy let out a loud groan as he reluctantly nodded. Damn it! At least they’d have food in an hour.

As they embarked on their journey, Tommy found himself trying to talk to Technoblade again, that sick move he pulled yesterday was pretty interesting in his eyes. 

“So, Mr— Leader— The— So, Technoblade, my new best friend, my man, my buddy—“ Tommy wildly gestured to.. nothing. 

Technoblade and Wilbur stared at him, watching Tommy as, despite the awkward atmosphere, he desperately tried to salvage the conversation.

“The.. The white thing! You know, with the explosions and shit?” Tommy helpfully added in explosion noises, which gained massive respect, as expected.

At least, that’s how he saw it.

“...Oh. It’s just a practice between kings and stuff. You can’t rely on a table when the battle is approaching.” Technoblade explained, though Tommy did notice that he seemed slightly tense. 

“Oh.. Can we learn it?” Tommy asked, as Wilbur laughed. “I know we aren’t kings or anything, but it would be fun.” 

Technoblade pauses before slowly tilting his head. “Maybe another day. I don’t know how long it takes for children to get hungry, but I’m not wasting any more time.”

Tommy sighed as he was once again referred to as a child, but he guessed it couldn’t be helped. They hadn’t seen him fight like a manly man, but he’d be able to prove himself eventually.

The trio continued to squabble and talk as they all made their way to the village, as they eventually made their way to the village on the mountains.

“Mountains.. It had to be on the mountains.” Tommy grumbled as he climbed up the path, Wilbur and Technoblade following after him. 

“I’ll be perfectly honest, I don’t think hills are anyone’s favourite things.” Wilbur added as they finally made it up the entrance, staring at it in relief.

“Oh thank god. If I had to listen to you two any longer, I would’ve pushed you both down the hill.” Technoblade added in casually, as Tommy laughed.

“Yeah right.” Tommy glanced at a Technoblade, before falling into silence as Technoblade did not laugh back.

Wilbur quickly ruffled Tommy’s hair as Tommy swats at him. Let’s get in!” Wilbur moves his hand to ruffle TechnoBlade’s hair, before pausing and putting his hand down.

The king was tired and hungry; maybe another day.

They all walked up to the nearest bakery, Technoblade just handing half of his gold and pointing at food. 

...It worked! It was terrifying for the poor baker, but it worked! The trio began to scarf down on baked goods, as Tommy looked up at his newfound team mates. 

“How are we going to find this thief guy?” Tommy asked while still scarfing down on a loaf of bread.

“Don’t eat with your mouth full. Were you raised by animals?” Wilbur scolded, as Technoblade paused and simply continued eating.

“Anyways, the townspeople were looking for someone to help them out. Word spreads quickly around this town, and we’ll put an end to this quickly.” Wilbur promised. 

“Sounds good to me.” Technoblade stared at his pie in boredom, before glancing up to see someone staring at him.

“Sorry, gentlemen.. Did you say you were going to deal with our.. thief problem?” A stranger asked, as Tommy smirked.

“Of course! The great TommyInnit and Friends will—“ Tommy was cut off by the sound of the stranger slamming their hands onto the table.

“Do you have a death wish?! That monster is terrifying beyond all human belief, I don’t even think it’s human..!” The stranger declared as an awkward silence filled the room. 

“Good sir, we’re here to help. We promise.” Wilbur attempted to calm down the stranger, holding his hands up in a defensive way. 

“Ah, sorry about him.” The baker, who had quickly rushed over after the commotion grabbed his supposed friend from the commotion, laughing weakly. “He saw the bastard and apparently he’s really that terrifying.”

“He is! He’s so tall and gangly, he’s not human, I tell ya!” The stranger snapped to the baker as Tommy decided this was the perfect moment to prove himself. 

“You think I’d be afraid of that? I’ll defend this city! Don’t you worry!” He declared as the two squabbling men stopped to look at him.

Technoblade slowly nodded. “Tell the townspeople we’re here to help them. They have nothing to fear.” He promised, as the baker and the stranger slowly calmed down.

“If you say so.” The baker said, heading back to his counter while his friend disappeared off, leaving the trio to go back to their usual routine.

As the trio finished their breakfast, they couldn’t help but wonder about what kind of person this thief would be.

“Do you really think that the thief guy that dude was talking about was really that terrifying?” Tommy spoke in a more hushed tone, as he didn’t want to encore the wrath of the frantic stranger.

Wilbur paused as he shrugged slowly. “Whose to say? But to be fair, it would be pretty terrifying to come face to face with a thief you don’t recognise, but he’s most likely just over exaggerating the story.”

Techno smiled to himself. “If it is a beast, then we simply just feed it Tommy, and we’ll have the child sacrifice all sorted.”

Tommy’s jaw dropped as he glared at Technoblade, expecting his apology.

Wilbur nudged Technoblade, who sighed heavily. 

“I will not feed Tommy to the beast. If it exists. Which it doesn’t.” Technoblade seemed disappointed, much to Tommy’s annoyance. 

“Anyway, shouldn’t we do some detective type work? We should be trying to figure out WHO the thief is, right?” Tommy asked as Wilbur and Techno just stared at him. 

“Wow, A plus for Tommy. He figured out our quest, it only took him a quarter of a day plus all of last night.” Technoblade laughed at his own joke, covering his smug expression from the other two.

“I’ll fight you.” Tommy grumbled as Wilbur once again attempted to keep the peace, swinging his arm around Techno and Tommy. 

“C'mon guys! Less fighting, more questioning.” Wilbur commanded, a grin slowly forming onto his face as the other two attempted to squirm away.

“I’m just saying, this child is going to have a shortened lifespan if he keeps acting like this.” Techno warns, as Wilbur huffed at him. 

“Don’t threaten Tommy. He’s a good kid.” Wilbur was actually defending Tommy, which seemed to once again boost this child’s ego higher than his IQ.

“Aaaand that's exactly how you should see me!” He declared, attempting to punch the air, instead, he slightly smacked Wilbur, who just stared at him, defeat in his eyes.

“...Sorry Wilbur.” He mumbled as he lowered his hands, a guilty expression quickly replacing his usual smug one. “Hey, why don’t we get going now?”

Techno sighed. “I am so glad that I am here.” He mumbled as he escaped Wilburs arm, looking out the window to see if he could spot anything they could look for.

Tommy also peered out this window, spotting a series of shops and houses, everything seemed tightly packed together, however Tommy’s focus soon turned to the lake that seemed to stretch across to certain areas of this town.

“Wow, mountains and a lake? You think there is a waterfall nearby?” Tommy scoffed, this town seemed pretty picture perfect; it’s probably why it was being robbed, to be perfectly honest.

“I’m just imagining how freezing that water would be from up here.” Wilbur shivered and groaned slightly. “Ugh, that’s not what I should be thinking about.”

“..Techno’s stash says you dive in.” Tommy murmurs to Wilbur, as Techno rolls his eyes.

“Techno’s stash does not. Come on, you were so focused before, where’s that Tommy gone?” Techno asked as Tommy attempted to hold back laughter at the image of Wilbur jumping into a ice cold lake.

“Fine, fine, Mr Buzzkill. We gotta investigate, so I guess we’re going to go from shop to shop, huh? Lets go to the bar first.” 

Wilbur rubbed his forehead. “What is it with you and bars? Can’t we head somewhere else nice, like an abandoned graveyard—“ 

Tommy has decided that they were wasting time, so he casually grabbed Techno and Wilburs pouches, a wicked smirk on his face.

“Catch me if you can, fuckers.” He declared, as he hopped over the table and sped as fast as his legs would carry him, laughing his ass off as he headed to the bar.

The laughter turned into nervous laughter as he heard footsteps running after him; oh god, this is how the great TommyInnit shall perish. To some grumpy king and a sleepy bard. 

“TOMMY!” Wilbur shouted as Tommy pretended he couldn’t hear him, pretty much speeding past the bar's security and managing to get in successfully.

He stumbled slightly, as he looked back to see Technoblade and Wilbur glaring at him from outside of the club.

If they were trying to hate from outside of the club, the moment of irony was that they can’t even get in... yet.

Tommy flashed them a nervous grin as he turned onto his heel, as he heard footsteps approach him. 

“Hand back the stash, Tommy, and no one gets hurt.” Technoblade explained so calmly, way too calmly. His words were sharp and precise, shit, they could probably cut glass.

“Yes, Tommy. Hand back the pouches.” Wilbur’s equally steel like tone sent shivers down Tommy’s spine, as he nervously handed them back.

“It was funny, wasn’t it?” He asked as Technoblade and Wilbur glared daggers at him, as Tommy pointed finger guns at the two of them.

“Can we put this child in time out?” Wilbur asked Technoblade, sarcasm dripping from his tone. 

“No, he’s better off alive.” Technoblade explained gently, as Wilbur’s eyes widened.

“B-But I just said Time Out—“ Wilbur looked so incredibly confused.

“Oh, I know.” Technoblade waves it off as he turns on his heel. “I’ll go with Tommy. If I’m going to have to interact with people, I might as well make others suffer twice the amount.” 

“You’re acting like I’m not the best thing that’s ever happened in the existence of mankind.” Tommy huffed, following after Technoblade. 

The duo began to investigate to the best of their abilities. However, an antisocial king, an arrogant child and a disgraced bard were definitely not the best choices to play detective.

“No, it’s tomato.” Tommy said stubbornly to a woman who was holding her head in her hands, far too sober for this conversation.

“No, it’s tomato.” The woman spoke in an exasperated tone. “Please, I’ve given you all I know. Stop the torture.” She begged Technoblade, who was only staring down at her with a slightly pitiful look.

“So.. where is your house located?” Technoblade asks as the cogs in his brain begin to turn to overdrive. 

“Near a lake? Does it really matter? I guess it’s not on high ground, it’s just a small little cottage, Jesus. I’m not even one of the people who have been stolen from!” The woman’s only relief is that Tommy seemed to have stopped talking. 

Technoblade and Tommy exchanged a look as they slowly nodded. “Thank you for your time, we’ll make sure to check out your house; it’s most likely that you’re the next target.”

Tommy nodded. “As a knight, I pride myself on my ability to help others!” 

“You do?” Technoblade and the woman asked in unison, as Tommy felt a little bit of his soul die. 

Technoblade glanced at the clock, Jesus, they had been interrogating for what felt like hours; which the clock read pretty well. “We should find Wilbur, he probably has more information then us.” 

Tommy nodded along as he searched the bar for Wilbur, only to find him alone, holding a drink of what could only be beer.

“Bastard, did you get drunk?” Tommy groaned, as Wilbur gave one of his usual angelic smiles. 

“No, Tommy. I’m just attempting to see how flammable this is. This damn bar needs to burn.” He spoke in a hushed tone as Tommy’s eyes widened.

Well, that was a 180. 

“What happened? Didn’t you impress the ladies with your singing or whatever?” Technoblade humoured Wilbur, whose face quickly became beet red.

“I didn’t, no. People know what happened with that village and they weren’t incredibly comfortable to talk to me, and I can’t say that I blame them..” Wilbur laughed weakly. 

“So what’s with the arson, big man?” Tommy decided to humour Wilbur’s weird ways, grinning at him. 

“You see Tommy, I dislike it when people are rude to me. So, perhaps another day, we will commit a lovely act called Arson.” 

Techno furrowed his brow. “I see, but what about information? Did you get anything important?” He asked slowly, as if hesitant to hear Wilbur’s answer.

“Nothing incredibly useful. This dude apparently has been stealing weird things, like dirt, whole trees, apparently he stole the mayor's blocks of gold, which started the whole debacle.” Wilbur waved his hands around weakly.

“Well.. what can we do then?” Tommy felt the creeping of defeat slowly creep up his chest.

Technoblade pauses, before a small smile creeps onto his face. “Well.. I guess we’ll have a stake out.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO I HAVE A TWITTER I MADE A WHILE BACK BUT I NEVER ACTUALLY PLANNED ON USING IT BUT UHH FOR UPDATES VISIT @//barcodesenpai I have ONE FOLLOWER FHSJAJAKA


	4. This Chapter Has An Explosion (Part One)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m sick so if this chapter lacks my usual style or charisma,,, forgive me.

Stake outs weren’t exactly a thing that Tommy had prepared for in his training, but he guessed that there was a first time for everything. 

As dusk slowly edged towards night, Tommy had been badgering the two older guys about what exactly a stake out was.

Apparently, they were going to go hide somewhere, and just wait for the thief to arrive? 

It wasn’t as if Tommy didn’t understand the concept, acting like he didn’t would be an insult to his intelligence, but it didn’t take away from the fact that Tommy didn’t understand why they’d bother waiting when they could just try intimidating everyone.

I mean, a fallen king, a newly trained knight and a arsonist bard were perfect candidates for this behaviour, but for some reason, the duo seemed against it.

Whatever. They’d retreat to an area nearby a bank. If a thief desperately wanted gold, they’d clearly return back to the bank, right?

They settled on a tree nearby the bank, the three of them beginning to climb up it, Technoblade mistepping and accidentally causing a branch to crush the rose garden right next to it.

“...Oops.” The monotone pig replied to the incident, before climbing next to Wilbur and Tommy, as the trio sat in hushed silence. 

“Big man, you gotta be careful. You might disturb the bugs and shit.” Tommy seemed to speak in a more softer tone then usual as he stared down at the slightly disgruntled flower bed.

“Since when do you care about bugs?” Techno whispered back, which seemed to cause Tommy to tense up a little.

“You.. You should focus on making sure the bee’s and shit stay safe.” He mumbled back, and before Technoblade could respond, Wilbur elbowed him as they all heard an odd sound that couldn’t exactly be described.

“Did you hear that? What was that?” Wilbur whispered to the others, who immediately began to look around.

The darkness obscured most of their vision, it appears none of them thought to bring up a light, but as they continued to look around, a small blast of air from their left hit them quickly.

Techno, being the furthest to the left was the first to make eye contact with it.

A long limber, dangly— dangly human? A creature? Whatever it was, it’s purple eyes shone brightly, as Technoblade, for once in his life, was paralysed with fear.

He had heard of these creatures, perhaps once in his life. But this one.. 

The sound of fluttering seemed to shock the trio out of their trance, seeing some sort of cape or cloak attached to the creature, adorned with red and black ribbon...

The creature let out an unholy screech, as Wilbur and Tommy grabbed Techno, the three of them taking to the ground and running as their legs could take them.

The drab and dreary town had once been a place where nothing bad could happen, but it seems that it could.

Nobody knew of this towns layout, that was their disadvantage against this creature that nobody could name.

Technoblade seemed to finally snap out of his trance, quickly looking around before his eyes lit up as he remembered something about these creatures.

“Head to the lake.” Technoblade urged the others, heaving through every second breath. They had to get to the lake if they wanted to stand a chance.

“Why? I know you’re a king, but you can’t possibly—“ Tommy was cut off as the sound of a ‘vwoop’ quickly caught his attention, the creature was right in front of him.

Wilbur swore under his breath as he grabbed Technoblade and Tommy and began heading to the lake, Tommy’s frantic rambles drowning out the sound of the creature getting closer— further away— no, he’s getting closer.

Technoblade couldn’t tell why the creature kept teleporting away, or nearby instead of front of them. Maybe the creature just liked messing with the trio. 

Well, the creature wouldn’t have their fun anymore.

“What.. What do we do now?” Speaking of the trio, they looked to the supposed leader for guidance. 

“...I have a guess.” He spoke slowly, as he slowly brought the other two to the edge of the water.

“What? Is there a secret door here or somthing?” Wilbur chuckled weakly to himself, watching as Technoblade just shook his head slowly.

“All you have to do is be still.” Technoblade spoke slowly, as they waited, and soon enough that odd noise, one Technoblade had realised meant that the creature had teleported, arrived.

The creature landed into the water, which immediately caused the creature to jump and scramble away, soon shuffling away from even the other people around it, taking a seat on the sand.

The trio sat in shock. Huh. That actually worked. That was impressive. 

Technoblade gulped, he’s really testing his luck today, but if this works.. 

“Drop what you’re holding. I know you can’t teleport anymore.” He bluffed, quickly pulling out the nearest weapon— 

He pulled out the stick. Instead of his wonderful, cool, sword, he pulled out a stick. Motherf—

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry. Oh muffins, this is gonna sting.” The enderman groaned, as Wilbur and Tommy visibly jumped. 

“What the hell?!” Wilbur blinked several times, wiping his eyes as if it was simply an auditory glitch.. with his eyes.

“Okay, okay, genuinely, what the fuck.” Tommy mumbled, as he looked to his fellow members for guidance.

“Oh muffins. I spoke.” The enderman pressed a hand to his mouth, before paused. “Wait, hey! Language!” 

Tommy stared in shocked horror, grabbing onto the sleeves of Technoblade and Wilbur. “Tell me that the fucking thief monster didn’t just say ‘Language’ to me.” He uttered, his face devoid of mercy.

“Ha. Even the monsters are telling you to shut up.” Wilbur snickered, as the duo watched Tommy’s face become puffed and red with anger.

“Anyway, you’re one to talk, thief.” Technoblade passed a judgmental glare, and even if it didn’t make the monster die inside, it probably resounded that feeling that could only be unlocked by disappointing someone you cared about.

Luckily for the enderman, the feeling was halfed because he didn’t know Technoblade enough to disappoint him.

“So.. explain yourself, criminal.” Tommy quickly hopped onboard with Technoblade’s plan, bringing out his own broken sword to help Technoblade intimidate.

Wilbur slowly brought out his guitar, holding it in a ridiculous manner so that it would also help Techno’s cause of terrifying the monster.

“I.. I’m an enderman. I can’t teleport right and I’m trying to build a home with my friend.”

Technoblade’s brow furrowed. “Your friend? Does your friend just call you Enderman?”

“No. My name is BadBoyHalo.” As he spoke, several questions of increasing intensity ran past everyone’s mind, Technoblade was the first to air such questions.

“Your friend?” Technoblade spoke slowly, his eyes narrowed as he kept an eye on Bad, attempting to not make eye contact.

“Ah.. Hes a muffinhead, but he’s still a good person.” Bad mumbled, as Tommy walked up to Bad.

“Well, we caught the bad guy. Lets just turn him in, reap the rewards, blah blah—“ Tommy grabbed one arm, as Wilbur walked up, grabbing the other.

“Yeah, but this town doesn’t seem the kindest, and god knows what the people with actual power in this town do, so why not just bring him to the friend?”

“Or we kill him. Monsters are known to trick others to lure them into a false sense of sec—“ Technblade was cut off by the sound of a very loud explosion.

The explosion quickly diverted their attention before they quickly turned back to Bad, waiting for an explanation.

“Oh muffins. He’s realised I’m trapped.” 


End file.
